Amazing New Year? Yes, Please!
Goodbye, 2022.
Hello, 2023, full of promise, purpose, and joy!
On Wednesday, December 21, 2022, I will present "The 7-Minute Guide on How to Set Yourself Up for an AMAZING New Year" to the Portland Connect Online Chapter of BNI.
No matter how great or terrible your 2022 turns/ed out to be, we can make 2023 better...because it has to be and because we can.
All attendees will receive the MVP Checklist: Simple Steps for You to Super-Charge the New Year.
As a preview, one of the nuggets of the MVP Checklist is:
Put your oxygen mask on first. Why does the flight attendant even need to tell us that? Because givers always give. Caretakers always take care of others. But we are no good when we are passed out or exhausted. Life isn't about merely surviving, it's about thriving. The key to thriving is having space, time, and choices.
How can you create more choices for yourself? How can you create more space for yourself? How can you increase your positive impact on the world?
..."The pandemic is reminding us that our belonging is conditional."
-- John Cho, actor. LA Times, Op-Ed, April 22, 2020.
https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-04-22/asian-american-discrimination-john-cho-coronavirus
Otherness. No one likes to talk about it because America is the land of the free, a meritocracy. Work hard and you will be rewarded. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” they say. Race and class aren’t supposed to matter. But systematically, we have prevented some people (Black and Indigenous folks, especially) from even having access to basic boots let alone the designer ones the elites wear.
By sheer luck and learned people skills, this little girl raised by a solo/widowed, immigrant mom in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S. (Stockton, California) cultivated some privilege. A handful of teachers in high school and college showed me the beauty of feeding knowledge and nurturing critical thinking/perspective. My cousin and her husband taught me the value of money (investing/saving/spending) and...
Pain Dick
How many times have you been in a situation where you were talking about a painful situation: sexual/physical harassment, near-miss car accident, getting passed over for promotion, over-hearing a nasty comment being said about you, stubbing your toe, whatever…and then someone began x-splaining (man, white, straight, able-bodied, rich, right-handed) to you? Or told you that they could process what you were saying if only you were less angry or emotional about it?
I call this Pain Dick. Not to be confused with dick pain.
Pain Dick:
(noun)
- someone who is being a dick about someone else’s pain or suffering, or
(verb)
pain dicked; pain dicking
- to figuratively pull out one’s pain and proclaim it is bigger than the other’s
Either is terrible to experience. It happens all the time, though. Men and women have done this to me. One significant other can do it to the other and vice versa. Women can do this to queer men. One BIPOC...
The Other Side of Mother's Day
This is my 8th Mother’s Day with my twins. I am so grateful for their wonder, creativity, love, and kindness.
But I remember the years before they were born when just the mere sight of children made me cry inside—at grocery stores, going out to eat, while rolling out my garbage bin. The struggle to have kids became so painful that I couldn’t even go to my nephew’s third birthday party. I knew I would just vacillate between anger, jealousy, and grief throughout the excruciating two hours of celebrating this wonderful boy whose first words upon seeing me were always, “Aunt Vanessa!” said with such glee, exuberance, and innocence.
Infertility is a real struggle and more people than you realize experience it—privately, silently, and painfully. We hardly talk about the miscarriages or the monthly disappointments when you again start to menstruate. Why would we? It’s so much easier and more pleasant to talk about babies and the weather....
